canundrum

hi, I'm cassandra, and this is my incoherent blog

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Sep 1

It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s by Ryan O’Connell (via avvfvl)

(Source: neonenjoysign, via achingminds)




"They didn’t allow me to become a nurse because of my hijab. Thank you, I became a doctor instead" #BURN

"They didn’t allow me to become a nurse because of my hijab. Thank you, I became a doctor instead" #BURN

(via timothydelaghetto)



polldoll:

zombiesandporn:

cathilia-crimson:

checkzeattic:

menthol-drops-and-angel-wings:

levi4thans:

PEOPLE DIED 

102 YEARS AGO
THEY’RE ALL SKELETONS FIGHTING IN THE UNDERWATER SKELETON WAR NOW
CHILL

I’m sure they are very chill right now.

You might even say they’re…ICE COLD.

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT 

TOO SOON

polldoll:

zombiesandporn:

cathilia-crimson:

checkzeattic:

menthol-drops-and-angel-wings:

levi4thans:

PEOPLE DIED 

102 YEARS AGO

THEY’RE ALL SKELETONS FIGHTING IN THE UNDERWATER SKELETON WAR NOW

CHILL

I’m sure they are very chill right now.

You might even say they’re…

ICE COLD.

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT 

TOO SOON

(Source: blazepress, via brendomyfriendo)


“Codependency isn’t sexy. It isn’t romantic. It’s built with a fuse and will surely burn out. The healthiest thing you can say to the one you love is, “I would be okay without you, and that’s why I choose to stay.”” LB, A Few Things About Love (via dangervvank)

(via tyleroakley)


(Source: nymphoninjas, via opalka)


“Just know that I love you. I love you with all of my fucked up, piece of shit heart.” 2:15 am (via we-are-the-reckless-youthhhh)

(via perks-of-being-a-wallflower)


(Source: christiescloset, via opalka)


“I think it means something if you’re the last person someone wants to talk to at night. You are the last person they want to remember before they fall into unconsciousness.” (via writing-sins-not-tragedies)

(via achingminds)


koffae:

been queued for the 1st day of spring for nearly a year, holla

koffae:

been queued for the 1st day of spring for nearly a year, holla

(Source: subtubitles, via achingminds)


(Source: booksndmovies, via achingminds)


hannahjpeg:

similar here

hannahjpeg:

similar here

(Source: crydaisy, via fluerishing)


Aug 31


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